One of my assignments in the Widow’s Walk Grief/Growth Support Group was to write a letter from my husband to me telling me what I thought he’d want to say to me now if he could. This is that letter.
Well, Bert (his special name for me), it didn’t turn out the way we believed that it would, but it turned out perfectly for me. Heaven is…………..well, there are no words to describe it. You have to be here to really get! It was worth it all just to be here with Jesus!
It sure didn’t take long for your Mom and Dad to join me. I met them both when they came in. Your Mom is like a kid in a candy store. If you think she took a long time when she was looking at everything down there when you took her grocery shopping, you ought to see her now! She hasn’t stopped looking yet. Your Dad is so full of life and is talking more than I ever heard him talk down there! We’re all so happy to be out of those old earthly bodies and into our perfect ones!
Remember when I asked you a few days before I got here if you were going to be alright? I’m so glad that you didn’t just curl up in a corner, pull a blanket over your head and quit. Look at all that you have done for the first time in your life! God knew that you couldn’t do this by yourself and He hasn’t left you alone in this. He’s guided you all along through these processes.
He gave you the extra strength that you needed to go through those last 5 hard months with me. I know you didn’t like being the one in charge. It was hard on you taking care of me and seeing my body deteriorate, but you never complained and took such good care of me like I told you the night before I went to be with the Lord. You showed your love for me in so many ways and I was so thankful for that. We had a good time together for over 36 years and I’m glad that we decided before we got married that we were going to stay together no matter what.
He gave you the strength to pack up our home and your parents’ home. Did you see what He did for you the day of the garage sale of all the extra things from your Mom’s and Dad’s?! He brought all those people there on a cold January day and had everything sold for you within 3 hours time! I was laughing as I was watching from up here because there were so many people that showed up that it looked like you needed someone down there to direct traffic! God has such a sense of humor!
God had two different people suggest you use the same Christian realtors to list the houses and property and then had just the right people right there to put contracts on them in 13 days time! Can you see how God is working and is right there to be your perfect husband now? He showed you the house in town that He had built just for you. He saved that house for you for a year and didn’t put it in anyone else’s heart to buy it. Remember when you started asking Him in Jan. 2009 for a better house and told Him what you wanted? He gave you something better than you even asked for. I know you weren’t planning on living in it totally alone without me.
Did you see how God sent you Carol to help you pick out things for the new house? All those years that I worked on her sons’ lawn mowers for their mowing business paid off. God used me to help them and He turned around and used Carol to help you.
Then He gave you the strength to be there for your Mom and Dad in those last 4 months with them. I know that shattered your heart even more to see all that they went through and became unbearable there at the end with your Dad. But, with God’s help, you made it through it all. Did you notice that He sent your aunts and uncles and some of your cousins up from Texas to be with you and comfort you after each one of them joined me up here? God knew exactly who you needed to be there with you.
Our daughters are there for you. I asked Leah if she would take care of you knowing that she would. She’s our “take charge” daughter and was so good to me and you. She will help you to think things through. Annissa is your encourager. She knows exactly what you are capable of doing and will cheer you on in her own way. Charity won’t let you get by with those negative words about yourself. She’s working on that herself, you know. Tshanina will help you if you will ask for her help. She was so good to me those last hours when you were trying to rest and it was very hard on her. She’s protecting you from all that happened very suddenly there at the end and has a lot of things to work through right now. Never doubt that all 4 of our girls love you, Candy. God gave them to us for just a time as this.
Ben is right there with you to help you with your finances. He’ll give you good advice. I know you never wanted to deal with all of that, but you’ve seen that you CAN understand things that have to do with numbers. And, God used Ben to send you to just the right car dealer to get a replacement for the old Maxima. I want you to have a dependable vehicle to drive now since I’m not there to take care of it and make repairs on it. You did a good job researching vehicles before you decided what to buy and made a wise decision about whether or not to buy an extended warranty. You ARE making good decisions and are being wise in your choices whether you think you are or not. I know how uncertain you have always felt about yourself.
Our girls need your influence in their lives. I know that you feel like the roles have been reversed right now and they are the ones giving to you and being a mother to you. You have more to offer them than you realize.
Love our sons-in-law. I’m not there to have my special yearly garage talks with them now, but there will be times when you can say things to them that will help them in many ways. I’m so glad that they have all rallied around you to protect you and help you. They are treating you like I would want sons to treat you. Can you see how God is working???!!!!
Spend time with our grandchildren. Use those times to talk to them about the Lord and point out to them that life is nothing without Him. God used you even during all of those hard days after I and your parents went to heaven and He will continue to use you in the days ahead. I know how much you love each and every one of them.
It was good that you were able to fly out to Kansas City to be with Annissa when our new grandson Cole was born six weeks prematurely and six months after I came here. She and Doug needed you and you needed them for those 3 weeks. Isn’t that Cole something else!
I see that you have reached out and asked for help getting through this grieving process. It’s okay that you are doing this. You need that help. You can’t do it all yourself. I know that you thought that you could and you were trying to, but this is more than you can handle alone. You are putting your all into it just like you always do. God will honor that and you are going to be alright.
Keep watching for all the things that God is doing in your life. Don’t be afraid. God loves you so much more than I do and He’s right there with you even when you can’t feel Him. He didn’t fail you or betray you and one of these days you’ll understand that. Trust Him, Candy. It will be worth it all when you see Jesus! HE’S WORTHY!!!!
I love you! Smile! Jesus is coming soon and one of these days we’ll be together again!!