LETTER FROM ME TO GOD Written on December 13, 2009
I do not understand why You did not answer our prayers asking You to heal Bob’s body completely and totally on this earth so that he could continue to share Christ with everyone he came in contact with. You know how very, very faithful he was to do that and how much he glorified You while on this earth.
Healing him would have been so very simple for You. All it would have taken was just a word or a touch. Bob said that he KNEW (and he always said that with such a look of completely confidence and peace) that You WERE going to heal him. How could You have not done it, Lord? I just do not understand. Bob was/is your child. I would never have allowed my child to go through all that Bob went through. I wouldn’t have allowed me as your child to go through all that I went through either.
I have trust issues now, Lord. You know it and I know it. So, I may as well say it to You. Yet, in spite of these trust issues, I find myself talking to you and continuing to pray “PLEASE help me, God!!!” Why I do that, I do not know except that I know that there is no one else but You.
Forgive me, Lord, for not trusting You completely and for not being confident that You are working everything out in my life for my good. I just feel so lost right now and so alone without my husband. I DO see Your blessings in my life in the how he planned ahead to care for me if he were ever to go home first. I DO see those blessings, Lord, and I am SO VERY THANKFUL – SO VERY THANKFUL.
Help me now to make right choices and right decisions. Help me to know without a shadow of a doubt where I am supposed to live. It’s always been about OTHERS and not so much what I wanted. It was about BOB and what he wanted and liked more than what I wanted and liked. He was never demanding about those things, but I wanted to do everything to make our home his castle and a place of refuge to make life happy for him.
Lord, give me the answers to these questions that I have or give me the will to surrender everything to You and to have full confidence that Your way is better than my way. That’s a hard one, Lord……that’s a hard one for me. Help me to be able to see things Your way somehow. You know my heart and that I truly want to please You in everything.
I love you, Lord. Truly, truly, I love You. Thank you for all that You have done for me from my conception until now.