Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies

Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies

Ave Marie Press/2000

Marta Felber is a professional counselor who knows first-hand what it is like to lose a husband.  She found it helpful to write down her feelings, problems, lists of things to do, etc.  Her own personal faith was key to her grief journey.  Marta encourages the reader to keep in mind that there is no set schedule in your grief journey, but the most important thing is to just keep moving.

“I have what I call a comfort “cozy”: an afghan that my favorite aunt lovingly made for me.  Yours might be a family quilt, a warm blanket, an enveloping coat that belonged to your loved one.  Choose a spot in your home to claim as your “comfort place”–an easy chair that you normally don’t use or your loved one’s special chair—and spread your comfort cozy there, ready to surround you when you sit down.

Go to this special place when you want to cry or to just sit quietly and think about your loved one.  Pull your comfort cozy around you.  Feel its warmth and protection.  Express your thoughts and feelings, whatever they are, and then let them go.  Feel your loved one’s love.  Feel God’s love.  Hold on to them both.  Stay as long as you wish in your comfort place….and leave only when you are ready.”

In her book Marta talks about accepting the crying, asking for a hug when you need one, recognizing denial, ignoring certain messages, assuming control, focusing on your grief, facing your fears, and how to measure growth and accomplishment among many other topics.

This is an excellent book for a widow to read early in her days of loss because it is written in short, easy-to-read chapters.  Reading and comprehending after the loss of a spouse is very difficult for awhile.  A widow can pick up this book very easily and read one short chapter at a time finding comfort and affirmation of all the emotions that she is experiencing.

Thank you, Marta, for sharing with us what you learned in your grief journey and for sharing it in a way that even those just recently widowed can benefit from it.

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