My dearest daughter,
I see how very deeply you are hurting right now and I am a God who feels and knows exactly what you are going through. I know that you are having a hard time believing that right now. You are even having a hard time believing that I really love you. But I do love you, you know. You can’t understand My love because you have a finite mind and can’t see the whole picture like I can see it.
I know that you and Bob listened and obeyed me. I know that you did everything that you knew to do in order for him to live and to get well. I heard both of your cries and I heard all the things that were in your hearts that you weren’t saying to Me or to each other. I saw how very brave the both of you were trying to be. I knew how hard it was for each of you as you were going through all that you went through together after he received that diagnosis. I was right next to you both walking through it all with you – even all those times that you couldn’t feel me and it seemed like heaven’s doors were barred and I was just ignoring you.
Over thirty-six years ago I brought you together to become man and wife. I knew what was ahead for you both in your marriage. I gave you a love so very deep and strong so that you could be able to endure those painful things that were ahead. You both stayed faithful to each other and to Me and because of that you grew stronger spiritually. There are so many things I protected you both from that you never even knew about.
I do love you with the greatest and purest love that you could ever know. I didn’t abandon you, Candy. I didn’t abandon you. If I were to give you all the answers to your questions right now, My answers wouldn’t be good enough for you. I know that you want Bob back whole and well to walk with you and grow old with you. I know that. But, that was never in My plan to begin with. Neither of you knew that and it was good that you didn’t for you would not have enjoyed all the time that you did have together. Bob was just on loan to you for 36 years, 4 months, and 10 days.
You can’t see it right now, but I am healing your broken and shattered heart. One day you will feel joy in your life again even though the thought of that doesn’t seem possible to you. I know how lonely you are and how you don’t even know who you are now nor what there is for you to do in this life without Bob. I know that and I understand. But, I do see the big picture and am still weaving the tapestry of your life. I am making it into a thing of beauty and I am using your shattered dreams and broken heart in ways that you can’t see.
I hear you all the times during each day when you are saying, “Help me, God!” over and over and then are thanking me. I see your heart and how very tender it is toward Me. I see you crying because you miss Bob and I see you crying when you feel My presence with you. I know how very hard it is for you to see Me with your “faith” eyes and know that although you can’t see Me, I am there with you. I know how you wonder sometimes if it’s even going to help to pray about certain things because I didn’t answer those kinds of prayers for you. I know how hard it is for you to really trust Me completely with the bad and the good in this life.
Tomorrow is a year since Bob joined me in heaven. You’ve come so very far and have done things that you never even imagined that you could do and you are still doing new things and stepping out of your comfort zone. You are learning to try things that you had been fearful to try before. You are standing up for yourself now when you always stepped back and allowed Bob to stand up for you. You are realizing that I am the Only one there to lead you and guide you and know what’s right for you. That was true before Bob left, but you looked a lot to him to make those choices for both of you. Now it’s you and Me together and I will not let you down. I’ll help you if you will continue to ask for My help.
I am helping you to get through every second of every day. I am yours and you are Mine. Nothing will ever separate you from My love and protection. Remember that I am carrying you in My arms right now and I won’t ever let you go. You’re not alone.
I’m here, Candy. I’m here and I love you more than Bob could have ever loved you and I will never ever have to leave you. I was with Bob, you know……even in those last moments of his life and he knew it. That’s why he had such a look of peace on his face that testified to that nurse and those doctors of that truth all the way to the end. That’s why I sent the nurse to you in the ICU conference room to tell you about the look he had on his face in the moments before he died and after he died. I wanted you to know that I was there with him and he wasn’t afraid. I wanted you to have that last comforting thought about him. Trust Me, Candy. I’m right there with you, too
All my love,