My birthday was a little over a month before my husband went to heaven. For the first time in our married life, he couldn’t go out to buy me a birthday present and that bothered him. He told me that he had noticed that some of the pages in my Bible had come loose and he wanted me to go online and buy myself a new Bible as my gift from him. I guess I wasn’t getting that done fast enough because he continued to ask me (which was unusual for him) if I had ordered my new Bible yet. Of course now I know why this was so important to him – it was his last gift to me.
I highly treasure this Bible and inside I have a place where I write down any dreams I have about him. He came to me in my dreams the first time on January 1st, 2010 – the night before my Mother joined him in heaven and I will never forget that dream. He looked wonderful and had the biggest most joyous smile on his face as he exclaimed, “Hey, Bert! I feel SO GOOD!!” Then he very excitedly pulled up one of his pants legs and said, “LOOK!” as he showed me that his legs weren’t horribly swelled anymore . He was whole and well again.
God knew how much I needed that dream. He knew how much I needed to hear Bob tell me himself that our prayers had been answered – not in the way we had prayed, but in the way that God had planned for him.
In another dream I had, Bob was sitting across from me and said, “Be ready because Jesus is coming soon.”
There have been some other dreams and they all haven’t been pleasant. Dreams are a way that we process our emotions and thoughts in our grief. They help us realize what things we need to deal with and then let go. In one such dream my husband told me that God had allowed him to come back to me for a little while so that I could get used to the idea that he was going away soon and never coming back. In that dream he paid no attention to me and that was very, very painful. Then he left and was gone. I knew from the message of that dream that I am trying to process the fact that I have to accept his death before I can move forward in my grief journey.
Thank You, God, for using my dreams to point out what I need to do to process through this time in my life. Thank you for reassuring my heart that Bob is so happy and well again and for the hope of what is ahead for me. Thank You for comforting me even in my dreams.