“Why, oh Lord, do You reject me and hide Your face from me?” Psalm 88:14
Written November 9, 2010
The story is told by George McDonald of a little girl who ran up to her father and asked, “What is poetry?” Her father answered, “It is the most beautiful thing in the world.” Then he took down a bound copy of some of the most beautiful poems and showed it to his daughter, but she was too young to appreciate poetry and was disappointed.
Her father tried to take away her disappointment by reading some of the most beautiful lines, but she could not understand them and went away totally dissatisfied.
As the father sat thinking about it, he began to feel that the lesson was more for him than for the little daughter. There were many things in his life that he could not understand. In fact, he was yet to discover any beauty in them at all. Deep down in his heart, he knew that God’s infinite wisdom had meant those things for his growth and development and one day he would understand it just as his little girl would come to understand, love, and appreciate poetry.
During this time of deep pain and grief in my life, I have asked over and over again, “Why???!! Why, God??!! WHY!!!!” Inside I was saying, “How could You, God??!! How could You do this to us? We have spent our lives living for You, obeying You, trusting You!! We didn’t deserve this!!” I may as well have said those words aloud because God knows my heart and my thoughts.
I have come to the realization that no matter what answers God would give me to my “WHY?!” questions, none of them would be good enough for me because all I want is my husband back with me well and healthy.
Just yesterday, one day short of a year, I was able to see more clearly that my husband won on the morning he died. He WON! In all of my grief and pain, I could not understand that and did not want to see the truth, but now I am beginning to see it for what it really is. I never thought that would happen – ever. What does this world have to offer in comparison to heaven? Nothing! My husband really WON!