A Widow’s Prayer

Regardless of preparation or forewarning,

Here I am

Surprised by the sudden reality

Of once again being a single entity.

God, do you still recognize me

When I am but half of us

That used to approach your throne?

I am the one that remains on earth alone.

Death shreds the very fabric of completeness:

It renders embodied intimacy an impossibility.

The gaping wound where we were once bound together

Is bleeding profusely and I have no idea how to stop it.

My grieving heart guides my mind as it races

From one imagined memory to another

Wishing I could repeat life as easily

As my mind replays the past.

Dare I admit to you that I feel angry?

Why must I be the one left standing here alone?

How can I look at all the tight  lipped faces

That mask the fear of death we all share?

You have taken my life partner

Why must I continue to live?

Is my heaviness due to the departure

Of one who was as much a part of me

As my very self?

Or is it self pity camouflaged as rightful mourning?

Is this cloud that surrounds me

Black with despair because I feel

Abandoned and condemned to pull a yoke made for two?

Amid my many thoughts and feelings,

I find traces of thanksgiving

That my beloved is now perfect and complete

Healthily celebrating new life after death.

Even though we will no longer need each other to be complete

I pray that we may be together soon.

Oh forgive me gracious God,

You are the Creator and Sustainer of life.

The pain of loss is only partially eased by the intellectual

Understanding that You, God, are in control.

All too often divine destiny is neither understood nor simple to bear

Give me faith to believe in Your goodness

And peace to accept the path that lies before me.

Oh God, help me discern how best I may serve Your purpose

In this unchosen state and guide me as I begin to journey

With faltering steps.

In the name of Him Who was torn from a loving Trinitarium  union

To become human,

The One who remained single-minded to steadfastly embrace

His purpose for living……Amen

Author – Unknown

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