Regardless of preparation or forewarning,
Here I am
Surprised by the sudden reality
Of once again being a single entity.
God, do you still recognize me
When I am but half of us
That used to approach your throne?
I am the one that remains on earth alone.
Death shreds the very fabric of completeness:
It renders embodied intimacy an impossibility.
The gaping wound where we were once bound together
Is bleeding profusely and I have no idea how to stop it.
My grieving heart guides my mind as it races
From one imagined memory to another
Wishing I could repeat life as easily
As my mind replays the past.
Dare I admit to you that I feel angry?
Why must I be the one left standing here alone?
How can I look at all the tight lipped faces
That mask the fear of death we all share?
You have taken my life partner
Why must I continue to live?
Is my heaviness due to the departure
Of one who was as much a part of me
As my very self?
Or is it self pity camouflaged as rightful mourning?
Is this cloud that surrounds me
Black with despair because I feel
Abandoned and condemned to pull a yoke made for two?
Amid my many thoughts and feelings,
I find traces of thanksgiving
That my beloved is now perfect and complete
Healthily celebrating new life after death.
Even though we will no longer need each other to be complete
I pray that we may be together soon.
Oh forgive me gracious God,
You are the Creator and Sustainer of life.
The pain of loss is only partially eased by the intellectual
Understanding that You, God, are in control.
All too often divine destiny is neither understood nor simple to bear
Give me faith to believe in Your goodness
And peace to accept the path that lies before me.
Oh God, help me discern how best I may serve Your purpose
In this unchosen state and guide me as I begin to journey
With faltering steps.
In the name of Him Who was torn from a loving Trinitarium union
To become human,
The One who remained single-minded to steadfastly embrace
His purpose for living……Amen
Author – Unknown
Reflections From My Porch Swing 