I’d been doing so well focusing on the real meaning of Christmas. So, it surprised me yesterday when that old deep, deep pain of grief totally and completely blindsided me. It woke me again at that familiar time of 4 a.m. this morning and is still sitting squarely on top of me. I thought perhaps it would be different this year, but it’s not and I’m wondering if it ever will be.
My 9 year old granddaughter Elizabeth has also been struggling this week as she’s asked my daughter Leah why God can’t let her Pa come back just for Christmas. No answer Leah gives her is what she wants to hear. My answer is that it would be too hard for us to say good-bye to him again and to let him go back. Never mind that he wouldn’t want to come back after being in heaven for even a fraction of a second.
Facing the activities of today loom ominously ahead. My mask came off yesterday, but I must try to put it back on today and keep it on for a little while.