Windshield Iced Over

Casting all your care upon him for he careth for you. I Peter 5:7

Written the Beginning of my 2nd year of Widowhood

Charles Lindbergh often flew with his windshield iced over, but despite this, Lindbergh accomplished so much during those flights.  My financial advisor told me the other day that when he looks back over my notes from this past year, all he can say is “Wow!” because of all that I have accomplished.

The truth is that I, too, have been flying with my windshield iced over.  The moment my husband left this earth, a cloud descended and the shock of frozen precipitation covered me.  I did not have any idea what to do next.  When I was asked where I wanted the hospital to send his body, all I could say was, “What choices do I have?”  I could not even think.

Time stopped for me and became unimportant.   I used to look at the clock quite often and  had my life so scheduled.  But now time means nothing to me.  There were days that seemed like they went on forever.  Weekends are the worst and those hours seemingly go on and on.  My night hours still seem to crawl by and I still find myself waking up many times.  I wonder if I will ever have normal sleep patterns again.

I think that faith could be described as flying with your windshield iced over.  I am living one day at a time taking things one step at a time as they present themselves.  This is not the way that I used to live.  I was always the person who planned way ahead and had everything mapped out in my mind.  My husband’s death changed all of that.  My life now happens as it happens and I am finding that that is not a bad thing.  In fact, it takes the pressure off me and puts it squarely where it should have been all along – on God’s shoulders.

For a long time I did not care about anything but just putting one foot in front of the other.  Now, I’m finding that some of that ice is beginning to thaw on my windshield and I find myself worrying about things.  I have to admit that it felt better when I was in that place of simply not caring.  It was easier for me.  It was life as it should be – casting all my cares upon Him and allowing Him to run the show.

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10 responses

  1. “I think that faith could be described as flying with your windshield iced over. I am living one day at a time taking things one step at a time as they present themselves. This is not the way that I used to live. I was always the person who planned way ahead and had everything mapped out in my mind. My husband’s death changed all of that. My life now happens as it happens and I am finding that that is not a bad thing. In fact, it takes the pressure off me and puts it squarely where it should have been all along – on God’s shoulders.”

    Right on, Candy. I know what you mean about the worrying more about things, too, but I am trying hard to keep going back to that place of dumping it off my shoulders and on to God’s. His are much bigger and broader than mine!

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  2. Candy, So beautifully written as always! I think the Lord would like to see us operate in “windshield iced over” mode all of the time, since He only promised to give us strength and grace enough, only for today. I too, am so thankful that He has such broad shoulders. He really didn’t create us to carry all of this by ourselves.

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  3. Candy- I so totally relate to all that you posted here. I, too, am beginning to let the ice melt and crack and once again, beginning to schedule my life, worry about things I have no control over. etc. When My husband was sick (4 years), people always said that I was “doing so well”. The truth is I was living totally in the present moment, I had no control so I gave it all to God and He took such good care of me. That was His gift to me. I want it back and I find if I now consciously return my time and cares back to Him I regain that.

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