What Kind of Friend Are You to Yourself?

Photo Credit: Average Daydreamer’s Diary

On Monday my youngest daughter Tshanina posted one sentence on facebook that really got my attention.  It was this:

“If you had a friend who spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?”

Reality hit me that I have not been a good friend to myself at all for a very, very long time.  This perfectionist, people-pleaser has had such high expectations of me that I’ve spent years berating myself.  Would I have put up with a friend like myself?  NEVER!  In fact, I would have run from a friend like me!

Andrew Carnegie was asked by a reporter how he helped the forty-two millionaires he employed become so valuable that he would pay them that much money.  Carnegie explained that “men are developed the same way gold is mined.  When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold, but one doesn’t go into the mine looking for dirt; one goes in looking for gold and the more he looks for, the more he finds”.

Renee Swope shares in her book A CONFIDENT HEART – “I sense God whispering to me:  Renee, I am the gold miner.  You are the one who is so critical of yourself.  You are the one who focuses on your mistakes and beats yourself up with accusation and condemnation.  Those are not My thoughts.  I see the gold of My image, woven into your heart when I created you.  I want to bring it to the surface so others can see it too.”

Now that “I” have been brought to my attention, what am I going to do about “Me”?  The first thing that comes to mind is that I have got to purposely be aware of how I am talking to myself.  Am I so focused on my weaknesses that I am not even seeing my strengths?  Are my expectations of myself so high that even I cannot achieve them and as a result do I have such high expectations of others that I do not allow them to be anything but perfect?

There are a lot of layers to peel back here and the peeling has begun.  I’ve always pictured myself as “the good girl” with few problems that didn’t need any help, but the longer I travel through this journey of life alone, the more areas of my life I am finding that need work.

What kind of friend am I to myself?   What am I doing talking to a child of God the way I talk to myself?  What kind of friend are you to yourself?

3 responses

  1. Your blog today really speaks to me. You and I are a lot alike in being perfectionistic. I often say things to myself such as, “What’s wrong with you?”, “You are such a “doofus”!”, “Will I ever get it right?” etc. Thank you for pointing out how wrong and destructive this is. I guess I’m not a very good friend to myself.


  2. Thanks Candy for the reminder! I needed this today and I just had a conversation with one of my 8th graders about this very idea. I may share it with her tomorrow! God gives us our worth! He gave us His only Son so that we can be His once again! Keep sharing!


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