Who I Am

Me (tallest one) & My Cousins on Port Aransas Beach in South Texas

Have you ever taken the time to think about all of the people, circumstances and events that have shaped and are shaping the person that you are?  I come from sand and shells and fishing boats in South Texas along the Gulf of Mexico.  My 3 grandfathers (one a step) were a shrimper, and oil field worker, and a carpenter.  My grandmothers were a school secretary and a social worker.

Daddy loved the water, but provided for our family by working at Reynolds Metal Aluminum Co.  Mama blessed us by being a stay-at-home mom.  I always knew I was very loved even though there was not much physical affection shown to us while growing up.

Two of my grandfathers were introverts.  One was an extrovert.  My grandmothers were extrovert and introvert.  Mama was an extrovert and Daddy was an introvert.  I am an introvert.  So, I grew up experiencing the best of both worlds.

I am the oldest of four and the only daughter.  I grew up knowing that I was the one who protected everyone under me and fixed the problems as much as I could.  I don’t remember anyone telling me that was my job or responsibility.  It seemed a natural instinct in me somehow.

I was the good girl who stood back watching others make mistakes and learning not to make those same mistakes.  Although I always longed to be like everyone else and have a boyfriend, that didn’t happen until I was in my second year of college when I met my one and only for life.  Looking back on that now, I am glad that I never gave any part of my heart away to anyone else but my husband.

Bob and I were both introverts although he was more of a homebody than I was.  I always remember him saying that I loved to “run the wheels off the car”.  My idea of a fun weekend was doing something whether it be enjoying the company of other people or just going for a drive in the country.  Bob’s idea of a fun weekend was being at home working outside.  Out of deference to his needs and the things that he loved, I became a homebody, too.  Looking back now, I see that I should have been more assertive in expressing my needs to him, but it was all about “pleasing others” to me.    No one asked me to.  I chose to.

I love the sand of the beach, the call of seagulls flying overhead, the roar of the waves washing in and out on the shore, observing sand pipers as their tiny feet skitter across the sand, gazing out on the water as the dolphins play together,  the feel and sound of the wind blowing and the warmth of the hot sand on my feet and the sun overhead.  I am very organized and love helping others.  I would choose wood over metal and bright colors over subdued ones.  The smell of a wood burning fireplace, fresh cut grass, the heady scent of sweet smelling flowers and a watermelon split in half are very comforting to me.  I prefer lots and lots of natural light and bright, sunny days although a rainy day here and there as I watch from inside makes me feel shut in with God

Seeing trees budding, blooming, and coming back to life in the spring stir hope and renewal inside me.  Stunning flowers whether on their stems or in a vase always make me catch my breath in awe of their beauty.  Sparkling jewels whether they be diamonds or colored gems draw me like a magnet. I love all things that shine and glitter.  It’s no wonder because the Hebrew translation of my given name means “glittering”.

I can see outer beauty in a person of any age whether it  be a newborn or a 90 year old woman with her head of white hair and that beautiful smile on her wrinkled face reflecting that beautiful young girl that is still inside.

Books became my friends at a very young age and allow me to not only be able to travel to places far away but to be able to become friends with those authors who are transparent enough to share their deepest thoughts and with the characters that they write about.

I love to fly and if I could choose to be anything other than a human, I would be a bird able to soar and ride the wind currents.  Hot air balloons with their vibrant, bright colors intrigue me.  The great whoosh of the burner flame filling them with hot air is a sound of power and possibility

Sharing my thoughts on paper only began two years ago at age 57 after I became a widow.  I find that it allows me to so much better tell others what is inside my heart.  Spoken words are not as comfortable for me as written words.  Written words from someone are a gift that I treasure and can take out and enjoy over and over again.

Places I would love to visit would include Hawaii, Switzerland and Ireland – Hawaii because of its tropical nature and my love for the water, beaches, flowers and nature; Switzerland because of those gorgeous snow-capped mountains and those beautiful cows with the big bells sounding every time they walk; Ireland because of the lush greenness of it, the red-haired natives and that strong Irish brogue.

After we married, my husband’s desire was to be the sole provider so that I could be a stay-at-home wife.  Even after all of our daughters graduated from high school, he never wanted me to work outside the home.

My greatest accomplishments in life are without a doubt my 4 daughters who are not only strong and beautiful on the outside, but on the inside as well.  God gifted them to me although I did nothing to deserve them.  One of the pleasures of my life has been watching them each become the individual women that they are and seeing their pure joy at just being together several times a year.  Seeing them now raising and training their own children who are such a pleasure to be around is very gratifying to me.

The thing that I am most thankful for is the presence of God in my life – whether I can feel it or not.  He and I have been walking together since I was nine years old, but it wasn’t until I was thirty-eight years old that my relationship with HIM began to really grow and deepen.  There have been times since I became a widow when I have been in such dark despair wondering just where He was and how He could be allowing certain things to be happening in my life.  Yet, I choose not to give up on Him because in my heart of hearts and in that deepest place of my soul, I KNOW that HE will never leave me nor forsake me.  More and more the truth that HE has planned out every moment past, present, and future of my life is becoming a reality.

What the plan is for my future, I don’t know. I have frustrated myself trying to figure that out until finally I decided to just take life one day at a time as I tell myself that for the first time in my life this is my “God and I Only” time.

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8 responses

  1. Candy, I really enjoyed getting to know you more from this post. It is so interesting how we are very much alike in many ways, and it sounded like me and my hubby – personality and focus… Thank-you for sharing. Maybe some day I will have the time to write more and share with you who I am… but in many ways, I don’t know who I am now – – I guess being able to write about who I ‘
    was’ will help me move toward who I am! Good thoughts. 🙂

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  2. This is a wonderful post, Candy. I feel that I know you better! As we widows keep hanging out with God, I pray He reveals more and more of “who we are” to all of us.

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  3. I enjoyed your Who am I. I can relate to much of your story in so many ways. I love the water and flowers as you do. It is a great story. Thank you for that.

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