My Daily Load

I wrote this a year into my grief journey.  At the eighteen month point my load of constant 24/7 deep, deep soul pain did begin to lift.

“A father of the fatherless and a defender of widows is God in His holy habitation. Blessed be the Lord Who daily loadeth us (with benefits).”  Psalm 68:5, 19

My initial interpretation of this particular passage was the God loads me daily with benefits.  However, after taking a closer look at it, I found it had an entirely different meaning.

The word “daily” does not translate into just the daylight hours.  It means not only for a twenty-four hour period, but continually.

Loadeth” means just what it says – to lay a load on.

The words “with benefits” were not in the original translation and do not give us the true idea of what this passage means.  The true idea here is Blessed be the Lord God even if He lays a burden on us, and if He does this daily, for He is the God of our salvation. He makes us able to bear it; He gives  us the strength to bear it; and finally He delivers us from it.’

The moment her husband passes away a huge load is laid upon a widow, but this scripture says that God constantly aids us to bear that load.  He does not leave us.  He enables us to triumph in Him and through Him, but the part that gives me the most hope is that finally He delivers us from it.

What will it feel like to finally be free of this great pain that I carry around in the very depths of my soul every waking moment?  I cannot even imagine it at this point, but from the testimony of a widow who is years further down the road than I am, I see that it is true and that time will come for me.

In God I not only have a defender and a load bearer who gives me the strength to bear up under that load, but I can look forward with the hope that He will in time deliver me from all of this sorrow and grief.  I cannot imagine how those widows who do not have that personal relationship with Christ bear up under their load.

Thank You, God, that You are right here alongside me helping me to carry this heavy load and that someday You will deliver me from it.

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