“Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part, You shall make me know wisdom.” Psalm 51:6
One of the greatest and most hurtful things that a widow faces are all the disappointments that come after the death of her husband. There may be disappointment in God, in what she feels like is the abandonment of her husband, in lack of follow through from people who told her right after the death or at the funeral that they will be there for her, in the lack of care from her pastor and church, in the state she finds her financial affairs, in the abandonment days afterwards of her couples friends as well as her own personal friends and so on.
These secondary losses are unexpected and devastating. The normal response is at first deep hurt and then comes the anger. Most people do not have an understanding of all the emotions that a widow feels in her loss. They just want her to get on with her life and get back to being the person that she was. We know “that person” will never again ever be the same. How could she be? She has not only lost the love of her life, but she has lost so many other people and things in the aftermath.
How do we deal with all of these disappointments? One at a time and in time. There is not a quick fix to this even though the disappointments all seem to come at once. Some widows may need to seek professional grief counseling to guide her through the process. Other widows may find that journaling her thoughts and just writing them down will help her to more clearly see things as they are, allow her to forgive and begin the healing process. Each widow is unique and has a different way of dealing with things.
I am in my 3rd year of this grief journey and I have not “arrived” at the end of dealing with all of my disappointments, but I am learning to face them, acknowledge them, deal with them, and then let them go. I admit that there are times that those disappointments crop back up to hurt me or even make me angry. All I can do when that happens is to go through the same process and let them go.
In her February 4, 2011 blog The Gift Hidden Within Disapointment life coach Bambi Corso said, “Is it possible, however, that held within every disappointment is a blessing in disguise masked by the cloak of expectation? Regardless of what the disappointment is, if you were to look at life believing that there is no such thing as an accident, and trusted that a better scenario was working its way towards us in order to bring us closer to what we truly want, then there couldn’t be disappointments. Neale Donald Walsch says it wonderfully,
“Disappointment is temporary. Change your mind about what has disappointed you and you will change your life. All disappointment is just advantage looked at from the other side.”
Lord, give me Your wisdom. Help me to make right choices and right decisions in the midst of my pain and great disappointments. Heal my wounded heart and soul. Help me to rise above my disappointments to see what greater opportunities you have for me and to become a victorious widow.