Don’t Be Intimidated

Immediately after I became a widow there were many decisions that I had to make.  My personality makes me someone who can easily be intimidated.  Some of my decisions were questioned and this, in turn, made me question whether I was even capable of making a good decision.

One thing I have realized over these last few years is that my husband is not here to stand up for me now.  I have learned to stand up for myself, to believe that I do have a good head on my shoulders, and to trust my own judgment.  The only one I have to answer to for my decisions is God.

Widowed for 4 years, Kit Hinkle writes in A Widow’s Might about her experience in intimidation:

“Sometimes, I think the world expects us to fold, to ask permission for steps we have to take to move forward.  I suppose I don’t think so, I know so.  I remember a decision I made a year after Tom died. I chose to build a sun porch for the boys and me.

I had a close friend question me on it. She worried over my decision to spend the money, and took it upon herself to discuss it among our circle of friends. It shook me up for a bit, not because I wondered whether my decision was sound, but because I wondered whether our friendship could endure her criticism.  It’s a sad reality but some friendships don’t survive when you loose your husband.  When you move forward as head of the household, you might find friends and loved ones unaccustomed to seeing you take on that role.  But you can’t hide behind a husband anymore. You have to become your own mover and shaker.

So I built the sun porch without anyone’s permission but God’s.  And guess what?  He blessed it. I didn’t even have to apologize for it later!  I’ve had it for years now and the boys love it.  We have it wired with a flat screen and a DVD and it becomes movie central for the kids in the neighborhood on summer nights.  I consider it one of the best decisions we made in these years without Tom.”

2 responses

  1. Candy it’s amazing how hearing my own words repeated through your experiences crystalizes the wisdom in my own life even more. I’m now making a huge life decision and have decided to wait on God’s direction when good intentioned friends, pastors, and mentors have pressed me one way or another. I smile and tell them–“don’t you trust me enough to trust God?” Time builds your confidence. You’re not alone.


    • Thank you, Kitty. Being the sole decision maker now without the guidance of a husband of over 36 years is a new experience and daunting at times. Yet, like you say, it is a confidence builder. I have made so many HUGE decisions that I never dreamed I could make and I have no regrets.


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