“There is none holy as the Lord: for there is none beside Thee: neither is there any rock like our God.” I Samuel 2:2
One of the things that I so loved about my husband Bob was that he was as steady as a plow horse. If he said he would do something, he always did it. He was dependable and trustworthy. He was my rock and I leaned very heavily on him. He was my picture of Christ on this earth.
Now that Bob is gone, I miss having someone to lean on. Now I am the one in charge and I do not like that. It was so very easy for me to follow my husband. His track record was excellent. He always knew what to do and when to do it. The paths he led us on were the right ones.
Never did I ever have to wonder if I was going to be taken care of. Bob’s prerogative was for me to stay home and take care of our home and our four daughters and I was fine with that. I can only remember him missing just a couple of days of work because of illness for the entire over thirty-six years of marriage. He never called off work just because he wanted to.
Bob took our marriage vows very seriously and was committed to me in sickness and in health. That part of our wedding vows was challenged when I became ill with Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome for the last 20 years of his life. I could not have asked for more unconditional love than he gave me. He was always there for me encouraging me and telling me that he loved me just the way that I was in spite of my weaknesses.
There is an ocean of change that has taken place in my life since the day Bob died. My earthly rock has left me for his heavenly home. God should have been the prominent rock in my life, but I confess that it was easier to lean on my earthly rock because I could see him and feel him.
Now I have been thrust into this place without my earthly rock – a place where I have to put God in His rightful place in my life as THE ROCK. This involves exercising my faith like it has never been exercised before. I am asked to trust God like I have never trusted Him before and this is not easy for me when my faith has been so shaken. Yet, I know deep inside my heart that God is the only rock I have in this ocean of change.
I have a choice to make. I remember a time about three years ago when an older gentleman looked me in the eyes and asked, “Do you trust God?” My heart was pierced. Again, he asked, “Do you really trust God?” That simple question brought such conviction. It was as if God was sitting right there gazing into my eyes asking me point blank if I really and truly trusted Him.
Oh Father, I am out here floating around in my ocean of change. So many times I find myself thrashing around floundering and wanting to be rescued out of what I wish was only a nightmare. You gave me a husband that I could totally trust and depend on. Now he’s with you and it’s time for me to give You that rightful place in my heart and life. Help me as I begin taking baby steps back to you. Restore to me the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me. Help me to trust You to be my ROCK in this ocean of change.
Oh, Candy I just took a break from a busy day at work that started at 130 this morning. I have been coughing, sneeezing and feeling horrible but not dead enough to be forgiven for taking off work. I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself because there is noone left to “poor baby” me like my Eddie would. Then I reead your post. Like oil on troubled waters, it calmed and pacified me. He is my rock and he will never leave me. Guess I need to become an abalone. When these sea creatures feel someone is trying to remove them from the rock they cling to, they flex the clinging muscle and stay close. There is no rock like our God!
Thank you for sharing that with me, Apryl. Wow! I didn’t know that about the abalone! Thanks for sharing that with me. It’s a hard place we are in, isn’t it.
Love your site…I am a new follower Candy. A 58 year old widow of two years, who was married to the perfect husband for me and a truly Godly man who followed Christ with his whole heart. I have so much less Faith than he did, and your post today hit home…Time for me to give God His rightful place in my heart and life, and stop being angry for what I lost. I want to take those baby steps back to Him, as you said. Thank you for putting into words my heart… Blessings on you and keep writing.
Susan, I am only 6 months ahead of you in this journey. I’m so glad to know that you had a wonderful husband that loved God and followed him with his whole heart just like I had. I can actually see that the 36 years, 4 months, and 10 days that I had with Bob were a great gift that I will always treasure. I am 59. Thank you for reading. If you would like to “talk”, my email address is email@example.com
Reading what you wrote is like something I myself could have written about my husband, for he truly was my rock. Although I was a Christian for years before his death (in January of this year), I had really never realized how much I looked to my husband for strength rather than God. If anyone would have asked me, I would have firmly told them that my trust was in God. Well, I was in for a surprise when after his death I realized how much my trust was NOT in God! Experiencing this first hand has made me realize very clearly that truly, people who have not lost a spouse have no right to be telling someone who has, what they should do or how they should be doing it because they can never know unless they have been put in that situation. I can clearly see God’s hand guiding me in the few months since my husband’s death and how He has so lovingly allowed various trials to come my way which caused me to read the Bible more, praying and seeking answers to my problems, allowing God’s word to soak deeply into my mind and then applying it to my life. One thing I have done in my journaling which may be helpful to others is to write down my concerns and prayer requests and then when I have received answers to prayers, I write them down but put a star beside them so I can page back through my journal in the days to come and easily note just how many times God has been there for me, heard and answered my prayers and proved Himself to be a Husband and a Defender of the widow. As soon as I click “post comment” I am going to go to my journal and color those stars red so that they stand out even more, bringing me encouragement in the days ahead. God has been so merciful and patient with me and if there is one good thing to come out of my husband’s death, it is that I have drawn closer to Him and learned to trust Him and call upon His name not only in times of anxiety but also in times of praise and thanksgiving.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart and for being so transparent, Judy. Those red stars beside your answers to prayers are an excellent idea! It’s good to know that I am not the only widow who leaned so hard on her husband and didn’t see it until after he went to heaven.
Well, here I am also. Another widow who had a “rock” of a husband. Candy, I love your blog and today this really was a message from God Himself. I could not push myself out of bed this morning, I was so down, so sad and feeling very hopeless. When I got to work I couldn’t concentrate so I decided to write a letter to God and put all of my fears and anxieties and sadness and grief on paper. The I handed to right back to Him, told Him that I couldn’t handle this alone anymore and that I realized that I had to depend on Him to be my spouse, my “rock”.
I just got home and opened your blog and here is God telling me through you that I’ve come around to the right way of processing my grief, my hopelessness. Candy, you have truly opened my eyes (once again) and truly consoled me. I am 55 and also 2 years and 10 months from the day that my husband passed away. Thank yo so much and thanks to all the readers who commented and shared their stories. These comments are also so valuable to me.
Carol, I know how you feel. My first thought every morning is, “Another day. What am I going to do?” It was so good that you wrote that letter to God. I have written letters to God and so many others. It’s a good way to just say what we need to say, share what we need to share, and just be totally and completely honest. It’s very healing. At least I have found it to be so. We walk this journey together each processing our grief at our own speed.
I can’t say enough about Widow’s Walk and how much they have helped me with this journey. If you are ever interested in getting some help for your journey, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll tell you all about it. It’s as simple as picking up a phone and doing 4/11 week phone webinars with other widows in the comfort of your home. Thank you for being so honest and for telling me how God is working in your life.
Candy, I love what you wrote about your husband being steady, dependable and trustworthy, Your Rock. my huband Dave was also my Rock, my protector. He loved Jesus and his life showed his faith. He was my spiritual leader. I do so miss that. I have to rely on Jesus now. He is my husband….a find this change extremely difficult, but His mercy and grace sustains me each day.
I, too, find this transition difficult, Mariane. I miss having that spiritual leader. I especially miss his prayers. Thank you for taking the time to comment.