“There is none holy as the Lord: for there is none beside Thee: neither is there any rock like our God.” I Samuel 2:2
One of the things that I so loved about my husband Bob was that he was as steady as a plow horse. If he said he would do something, he always did it. He was dependable and trustworthy. He was my rock and I leaned very heavily on him. He was my picture of Christ on this earth.
Now that Bob is gone, I miss having someone to lean on. Now I am the one in charge and I do not like that. It was so very easy for me to follow my husband. His track record was excellent. He always knew what to do and when to do it. The paths he led us on were the right ones.
Never did I ever have to wonder if I was going to be taken care of. Bob’s prerogative was for me to stay home and take care of our home and our four daughters and I was fine with that. I can only remember him missing just a couple of days of work because of illness for the entire over thirty-six years of marriage. He never called off work just because he wanted to.
Bob took our marriage vows very seriously and was committed to me in sickness and in health. That part of our wedding vows was challenged when I became ill with Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome for the last 20 years of his life. I could not have asked for more unconditional love than he gave me. He was always there for me encouraging me and telling me that he loved me just the way that I was in spite of my weaknesses.
There is an ocean of change that has taken place in my life since the day Bob died. My earthly rock has left me for his heavenly home. God should have been the prominent rock in my life, but I confess that it was easier to lean on my earthly rock because I could see him and feel him.
Now I have been thrust into this place without my earthly rock – a place where I have to put God in His rightful place in my life as THE ROCK. This involves exercising my faith like it has never been exercised before. I am asked to trust God like I have never trusted Him before and this is not easy for me when my faith has been so shaken. Yet, I know deep inside my heart that God is the only rock I have in this ocean of change.
I have a choice to make. I remember a time about three years ago when an older gentleman looked me in the eyes and asked, “Do you trust God?” My heart was pierced. Again, he asked, “Do you really trust God?” That simple question brought such conviction. It was as if God was sitting right there gazing into my eyes asking me point blank if I really and truly trusted Him.
Oh Father, I am out here floating around in my ocean of change. So many times I find myself thrashing around floundering and wanting to be rescued out of what I wish was only a nightmare. You gave me a husband that I could totally trust and depend on. Now he’s with you and it’s time for me to give You that rightful place in my heart and life. Help me as I begin taking baby steps back to you. Restore to me the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me. Help me to trust You to be my ROCK in this ocean of change.