Questions Widows Ask

Taken from When Your Soul Aches by Lois Mowday Rabey

“……the number of widows who become involved in an inappropriate way is greater than many people think.  While I am not aware of any statistics to support this statement, I can say that I am continually surprised at the number of women who tell me their stories when I am speaking at conferences.  Just when I think I am with a group where this wouldn’t be true, woman after woman comes to privately ask about her relationship with a married man.

Here’s what they want to know:

Should I feel guilty for having sexual desires?   No, sexual desires are normal.

I think a lot about a married man I know.  What should I do?   Recognize your loneliness and vulnerability and the naturalness of your attachment to him.  Don’t be alone with him.  Make a deliberate decision to turn your thoughts to something else when he comes into your mind.  Accept that this temptation may be a struggle, but make no moves in his direction and don’t tell him you are attracted to him.

Some of my married women friends act strange when I am around.  What is going on?    They may feel insecure and threatened by your presence around their husbands.  Try to focus on them and don’t, in any way flirt with their husbands.  Their strangeness may be due to their own insecurity and have little to do with you, but be sure your actions don’t feed their fears.

A male married friend (pastor, leader at church, counselor) frequently calls me late in the evening and talks for a long time.  Is this okay?    If his conversations with you are a secret, this is a red flag.  Protect yourself and end the phone calls.  If you don’t answer his calls–get caller ID on your phone–he should get the message.

Having said all of that, let me also say that if you set clear limits and boundaries for your relationships with men, you can enjoy wonderful friendships with married friends and single man.”


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