Richard Mabry, MD’s book The Tender Scar is written from his journal entries written after the death of his wife. He writes the following:
“In the days, weeks, and months after the death of a husband or wife, the survivor can expect to experience periods of grief and absolute desolation, and a deep sense of loss all of which can be devastating. There is no predicting when these periods will come, how long they will last, and to what degree they will prevent any semblance of normal functioning. But it is absolutely certain that they will come. and they will be accompanied by anger at God and doubts about His plan for us.
We all learned in Sunday school that Job’s faithfulness was rewarded by God, and things were put to right. What bothers those of us who suffered the death of a spouse is that God hasn’t reached down and put things right for us. We don’t understand how or why this happened, and, because we don’t see an end to the suffering and inequity that these circumstances produce, it tests our faith as surely as Job’s affliction tested his.
I accept the fact that God is truly all-powerful and all-knowing, able to perform miracles whenever and however He chooses. I’ve come to the realization, however, that I will never in this world and within the confines of my own humanity be able to understand God’s plan as it affects my life and that of others around me. I cannot successfully argue with God about why He spared this person and not that one, why my wife died and some else’s mate lived. Yet I feel a firm assurance that someday, I and my Christian brothers and sisters will understand the reasons behind events that we now find incomprehensible. For now, all you and I can do is continue to pray for grace for the moment and a revelation of God’s continuing will for us, day by day.
All-powerful and all-knowing God, we are frustrated because of apparently senseless events that rob us of our loved ones and put doubt into our minds about Your caring for us. Teach us once more that we cannot in this world know the ins and outs of Your plans for us, and help us to wait patiently on You. Give us grace for the moment, day by day, until someday we see fully revealed what You have prepared for us and for those loved ones who are already enjoying the fruits of their labors. In Your Precious name, Amen.”