8 responses

  1. 3 years for me. Yesterday and today have been very difficult and I can suppose that it’s due to a few changes in my life and surroundings. I’ve found that the change of season, children leaving for any reason (back to college, back to their home from a family event) can really set me off. I become very down, sad and emotional. I become too “broken” to be put back together. I usually need a day or two to regain strength and optimism. I try to put the future in God’s hands and to think only about the present day and tomorrow. Anything further down the road has not been revealed to me yet.
    Thank you Candy.


  2. Please know that you and me are NOT! I had dinner with a woman who lost her husband in Oct. 2008 and she goes through this time and time again. We cope is such different ways. She travels, I stay put. She joins groups and organizations, I stay in my house and limit any social commitments.
    I look at both of us and see two lonely, pathetic women who are looking for a way out of the pain. We are both searching for the life that we lost when our husbands died. We need to stop looking… that life is never coming back.
    We can only plod forward as best as we can.


  3. I don’t feel like I am searching the the life that I lost when my husband died. I do realize that my life has now changed forever and there is no going back. Now I am looking to find my purpose. The pain comes and goes and there are times when a grief trigger hits and that is when I feel my broken heart. Have you ever thought about doing Miriam Neff’s curriculum/DVDs for widows? It can be done alone at home or with another widow or group of widows. Here is the information: http://www.widowconnection.com/Help/Help/fowtaDVD.html


  4. Thank you, Candy. I’ll look into this. After reading your response I see that I am not as far along as I think! I guess that reverting back to searching for the life that I had is just inhibiting my journey. Anyway, I continue to move forward, forward, forward… and then slip back. This path is difficult and I get so tired of it.


  5. Carol, just because I said that I am not searching for the life that I had with my husband doesn’t mean that I don’t look back on that life and long for the best parts of it again. I can look at the joy on the faces of a bride and groom at a wedding and it hits me right in the heart as I remember the joy of that day for Bob and I.

    We can’t compare ourselves to other widows and try to judge how far along we are and then condemn ourselves if we aren’t as far as we or others “think” we should be. We just have to be willing to do all that we can to get the help that we need to move forward one step at a time one day at a time. It’s a very, very HARD journey and I, too, get tired of it. It’s draining in every way.

    So glad you are looking into Miriam’s curriculum! This is one way that you can help yourself.


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