For the last 35 months I have been completely focused on my grief journey. That journey by no means is finished, but I feel that I need to begin to branch out with this blog that I began first of all as a way of healing for me as well as a source of affirmation and encouragement to other widows.
What direction I am to move towards I am not sure, but my heart is open to whatever God shows me. It recently dawned on me that God has become my very best friend. He’s totally understanding of all of the emotions that I am feeling at any given time and is without judgment. I can just be ME with Him. There is no pretense or need to be what I might think that anyone else desires me to be. I find that to be very freeing.
I have found myself slowing down as I am trying to simply be aware of living out each and every moment seeing it as not only a gift from God, but an opportunity to be who and what He wants me to be in that given second. That’s not how I have lived the first 60 years of my life and I cannot help but wonder about all that I have missed.
Living in the moment takes a conscious effort and a serious awareness. There’s no doubt in my mind that it is something I will have to often remind myself to do. I realize that because my life so drastically changed after the deaths of my husband and both of my parents, I want this unwelcome and totally unplanned season to be even better than it was. I cannot even imagine how that is even possible, but if I am to believe that God can work all things – even the bad things – for my good, then it is a given.
Every second of my existence is an opportunity to open myself up to God., It’s an opportunity to not only let myself be filled up, but to be drawn into the limitless love of God. Any moment of the day can be a place where I can know God more intimately and see Him working in either my life or in the life of someone else.
My relationship with God has definitely changed. It’s as if I am starting all over with Him. I have never doubted my salvation and I’m even more sure that heaven is my eternal destination. But I am moving God slowly but surely into His rightful place. Like my husband Bob kept saying those last few months of his life as he prayed aloud, “It’s all about You, God. It’s ALL about YOU.”
So as I am becoming more of who God has planned for me to be and as the Holy Spirit shares things He wants me to know, I will share with you what I am learning. It may be every day. It may be every few days. Or it may be once a week. I just know that there is more to life than this grief and it’s time to move towards that “more”.
I would like to hear from you what God is showing you no matter where you are in your own grief journey because I know that I am not the only widow He is either carrying or walking beside.