As a 9 year old girl, I began taking piano lessons. I loved the piano and used to spend hours practicing…..so much so that my brothers used to beg me not to practice. Later on as a teen I would play for revivals in small churches or for weddings, was full-time pianist in a small country church, and played for a girls trio in college. Then as an adult I got the opportunity to be one of several pianists in a medium sized church.
Music has always been a way for me to not only express the deepest parts of my heart in worship, but a way that God speaks directly to me. After my husband died, I could not listen to any music at all for over a year. Bob, who did not love music like I did, had in the last few months of his life suddenly begun to burst into song while sitting in the hospital bed at home or in the hospital. It didn’t matter who was around nor that he couldn’t sing well. The only two songs that he would sing were GOD IS SO GOOD and HOW GREAT THOU ART. I couldn’t join him in song because I could not get those words to come out of my mouth.
This song by Point of Grace says it all about what I struggled with for so long and finally realized that the reasons are not to be known to me here on earth. Frankly, I won’t need to know the reasons once I get to heaven.
Reflections From My Porch Swing 
Thank you, Candy. Needed this. When I think of Kevin’s last few months here on earth the picture that always comes to mind is him sitting in his recliner with his arms raised in praise either singing or praising our Jesus. For months and even sometimes now…9 months later…praising Jesus and singing was just too painful.
I too cannot leave the “Why” alone. I think I have accepted that I won’t know the why until I join him and Jesus in Heaven…but then I have days like this morning…
I seen the first wildflowers blooming along side the road going to work…and started crying and remembering Kevin always saying …there was no prettier place on earth than Oklahoma in the springtime.
Now he’s in an even more beautiful place and Oklahoma is not near so pretty without him:-( But as that video reminded me…God is in control and the “WHY” will only drive you crazy…still learning to lean on Him…and trust Him:(
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Yes, Vickey, the “why” will drive us crazy. Resting in the thought that God knows what He is doing is very hard and it will take time to come to that point. Your grief is still very fresh. Know that what your are feeling is just what you are supposed to be feeling. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.
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