Surrender is an Intersection

There comes a point in every widow’s life when she must surrender her sense of identity so that who she was and what she did is stripped clean.  The time for that to happen is different in each widow’s life and no one can tell her exactly when that time is.  It’s a time that she arrives at through the wooing of the Holy Spirit.

I came to that point and am finding it to be the only way to be utterly at peace with exactly where I am now at this very moment.  I have to let God do His growth work in me so that the identity that I allow to fall away can be transformed from who I was to who I am created to be at this very time and this very moment in my life.

Is it easy to get to this point?  No. Definitely not.  I fought against it and struggled with it for long time.  In fact, I embraced the struggle wholeheartedly for it was only as I embraced it that I could totally process through it.  But, at the end of the struggle I found it necessary to come to that place of surrender in order to  begin moving towards the “new me”. Coming to that place of surrender doesn’t mean that the struggle is completely finished.  It’s not.

I find it to be sometimes a daily battle because this is not the life that I pictured – EVER.  Somehow I had it in my mind that my husband and I were going to live forever sitting together in our rockers on the front porch rocking until Jesus comes. Where do I find out who I am created to be?  There is only one place and that is the Bible.  My friendship with the Bible can take me from who I was as the wife of Bob Feathers to the woman God intended for me to be now as a widow.

My being in this place didn’t surprise God.  He knew before I was born that I would be here and He made preparations for me ahead of time to help me through the anticipatory grief, the initial shock on the day my husband died, all those feelings of betrayal, the months and months of questioning “WHY?!” and “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!”, the realization that I needed help to process through my grief, the courage to ask for that help………….so many things that I have experienced and continue to experience. Finding out who I am to be now begins with an act of obedience to simply read or listen to the Bible every day.  Only God’s Word can reveal to me who I really am and illuminate the path that God has created for me to walk. The journey ahead is far more important than the past left behind.

12 responses

  1. Candy, I find myself with exactly these same conclusions. The person God is making me to be wars with the person that enjoyed being my husband’s partner in life. It is not easy to leave all of that behind; yet it is sweet to know that I am never alone in this journey to who I will become in the future. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.


  2. It’s a war, isn’t it! I, too, am glad to know there are others battling alongside me. Thank you for taking the time to read and to make a comment affirming what I shared.


  3. Great post Candy. It is a daily ‘letting go’ and ‘letting God’ direct me on this journey. I am ‘becoming’. What exactly, I don’t have a clue yet. It’s not quite 7 months and every day there are lessons in love, God’s grace and tender mercies to be learned and gleaned from His word and from books for widows. I am re-reading ‘From One Widow to Another’ and am seeing more than I did when I read it earlier on. Thank you for the book, it has been a God-send to me.

    Thank you for your blog and sharing from your heart.

    Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady


  4. This was a great post Candy. I could see myself all through it as I have experienced the same questions and feelings. I could easily insert “Art Fowler” where you said “Bob Feathers”. Some days I still struggle with finding my way and my purpose, but I am learning to let go of what “was” and embrace what “is”.


  5. It’s such a struggle…letting go of being Kevin’s wife…when all I truly want…is to be that again. I play that song “Moving Forward” all the time and keep telling myself to keep taking those baby steps forward…but my heart doesn’t want to follow.
    I love how you said “God knew before we was born that we would be here and He made preparations for us ahead of time.” ….and He has…made preparations for me ahead of time…so I know He is going to see me through and bring me to the point you referred to, but it sure is a hard road to walk to get there;-(
    Thank you, Candy for the hope and encouragement you give us widows.


    • You’re welcome, Vickey. I know it’s hard to let go of the person we loved to be. Keep taking those baby steps and one day at the right time for you your heart will finally surrender.


  6. Thank you for sharing these thoughts….they echo my thoughts and Im sure for many widows. Even after 33 months I still struggle with surrendering my all to the Lord….yet knowing He is my all and has brought me through thus far. The thought that God knew I would be a widow at 40 with 4 children is mind blowing and hard to understand why He would allow this to happen. He is drawing me closer to Himself in my grief and loss in a way I’ve never been before. Love and blessings to you Candy.


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