Dreaming With Your Eyes Open

After the death of a spouse, all of a widow’s dreaming is done with her eyes closed.  She is looking back longing for what was.  There is no “now”.  There is only “then”.  There is no desire to move forward.  instead she spends days, months, or even years dreaming backwards of what she once had.

In her grieving mind there is no kind of good tomorrow.  All the possible happiness in this life has already happened.  Yet, somehow after the passage of time, the widow makes her way through that and even though there is nothing specific that she has done in order to get to this place, she begins to slowly make her way to the other side into a place where the sunlight of possibilities begins to peek out. It’s at that time that she discovers that once again she has the strength and is brave enough to begin to dream forward with her eyes open instead of dreaming backwards with her eyes closed.

It is at this place that a widow begins to see that there just might really be some reason why she is still here on this earth.  It’s as if a breath of new air begins to blow over her wounded and broken soul giving her life value once again – value as the person God created her to be before she was a wife. She realizes that one step forward will take her further on than a thousand backwards.

In the book of Isaiah chapter 43 he talks about looking forward when he says in verse 19, “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

Are you still dreaming with your eyes closed or have you come to the place where there is a stirring in your soul and you are beginning to dream with your eyes wide open?

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10 responses

  1. Dear Candy ~ this was good. I have times of feeling lost, missing my husband so much, and thinking/worrying about things that need doing. All I can do is cry out to God who is daily my strength in all areas. I am putting one foot in front of the other, trusting in God to work all things out.

    Love and hugs to you ~ FlowerLady

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  2. Thanks Candy , well said because lately I have wished and even visualized that my husband would walk through the door and assure and give me the support that I desperately needed. I kept longing for the good and secure past. The verse you quoted in Isaiah 43 is the very same verse that I had to forcefully tell my soul in my faint prayers that the Lord is doing a new thing. Thanks reading your post and finding this very verse acts as a confirmation much as when I look around sometimes it feels like there are no new things happening

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  3. There is no wrong in looking back, Gertrude, and longing for the comfort and help of our husband. We just have to be careful and intentional to process through all of the past so that we aren’t stuck there. The amount of time that takes is different for each widow.

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  4. I’ve not been married. Still trying to get there. But I can imagine how miserable life would be without someone you love dearly. Death is still a very scary thing for me. No matter how hard we cling to God and his promises, at times it’s really tough to get through each day and without that one person we love so much, it would really make it all pointless to even breathe. I know it’s difficult to understand His ways and even though I know I never can, I still try to.

    Personally, God has been good to me always. But death has always been a very freaky thing. I get upset when I hear of deaths of even unknown people so couldn’t imagine how one pulls on without a spouse who was loving and caring. I just pray that God strengthens you and gives you the grace you need to live.

    I keep telling myself every other day, ‘This world is not my home’. Nothing is ours, nothing is permanent and we carry nothing out from this life. Jesus is the only solace in this painful world. Till He comes again or we go to Him, peace be with us all. God bless you.

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    • Shirley,

      I was so afraid of death before my husband died that I would never look at a graveyard in passing. Now I fear how I might die and not the actual death. I have realized that God was right there with my husband as he was dying. God was all he needed at that time. There is nothing more wonderful than that to me to know that Bob wasn’t alone.

      The only way I have been able to go in without the only love of my life has been purely only because of my relationship with Christ and the hope that I have that I WILL see Bob again someday. I also find much comfort in thinking about how very wonderful beyond imagination heaven is and how happy and completely joyous Bob is now. As much as I love and miss him and want him here with me, I could never ask him to come back to this earth after being only a moment in heaven.

      This world became so much less my home after Bob went to heaven. Now I long for the return of Christ wondering daily if this could be the day.

      Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your thoughts and for reading my blog even though you are not a widow.

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