When something happens in our life that we don’t understand, the first thing we do is wonder why this happened. The morning my husband went to heaven, my response was “Why, God?!!!! How could You do this to me?!” Less than two months later when my mother joined my husband, my response was “Not another one, God!!!” Two months later when my dad left this world for heaven, my response was “This is too much for me to handle, God!! How could you take from me the three people who loved me the most in this world?!!”
As the numbness of that terrible fog began to lift a bit, I realized that I could not waste my pain. I did not know how to begin to face it and deal with it alone. That is when I sought out professional help from a Christian psychologist who had worked with widows for over 30 years. I needed someone to shine a light in my fog and direct me. Your family and friends can help you some as you are walking through your pain, but for the most part it is something that you have to walk through alone.
There is nothing wrong with questioning God for a while because after all, we are human. But, there should come a time for you if you have accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Savior that you remember that whether or not you can sense God’s presence, He has promised in Hebrews 13:5b “I will never [under any circumstances] desert you [nor give you up nor leave you without support, nor will I in any degree leave you helpless], nor will I forsake or let you down or relax My hold on you [assuredly not]!” Amplified Bible.
I personally do not believe that there are any accidents with God. He is always in control of what is going on in my life and whatever has happened is in His permissive will. He has a purpose for my pain and it’s up to me to face it, walk through it, and allow that purpose to work out for good in my life.
Waking up in the morning is the hardest part of the day for me. As soon as my eyes open and consciousness returns my first thought is of the losses of my sweet loved ones and how very much I miss them. In order to combat that pain I immediately turn on my iPad and go to the Daily Audio Bible app. This is my ammunition that helps me get out of bed and face my day. I purposely close my eyes as I listen so that I can give my full attention to whatever is being read in portions of the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs. I so desire to hear whatever God might have to say to me for that day…….whatever encouraging words He might speak to my heart. Rarely ever does a morning go by that I don’t cry as I listen because this is my special time with the One who loves me so much more than my husband or parents ever did. I am using my pain to grow a much closer and more intimate relationship with my Lord and Savior who has my back in this life as a widow.
After being encouraged by several people to share my grief journey, I began this blog as a way to not waste my pain. It has been and continues to be a way for me to pour out my pain and share with the readers whatever God has placed on my heart. In turn, the readers will share with me their pain as well as encouragement in the comments below my posts. Together we are not wasting our pain.
Reaching out to other widows to tell them about the many widow resources that I have found and sometimes even sending some resources to a widow is another way that I find helpful in not wasting my pain. Also, talking by phone or texting with a widow to just listen, affirm and encourage them keeps me from wasting my pain.
Remembering that God loves me and that His mercies to me are new every morning helps me not to waste my pain. Lamentations 3:22-23 RSV is a daily source of encouragement to me.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is Thy faithfulness.
Losing a spouse or a parent is one of the most painful things in this world. Allow yourself whatever amount of time that you need to question God and ask all of your “why” questions. He’s big enough to handle it and will not love you any less. I would encourage you not to run from your grief and waste your pain. Running will only cause you more pain in the long run as unimaginable as that is. Use your pain to strengthen and grow your relationship with Jesus Christ. If you have never allowed Christ into your life, give it some serious thought because He understands your pain more than anyone else in this world ever could. He’s that friend that will never turn His back on you. He’s promised believers that He will never leave them nor forsake them. There is no way I could go through life without Him.
What things are you doing in order not to waste your pain? Don’t waste your pain.
Thanks so much ! Just what I needed to read today ! Blessings ! Teresa
You’re welcome, Teresa. I need to remind myself of this every day.
Thank you so much for the love, help, and care you give to so many others. May our Lord hold you close, and help you in every way you have a need.
Hi Carrie. Thank you for your sweet words and prayer for me.
Beautifully said Candy. I’ve been a widow for 10 years now. GriefShare is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself since the loss of my husband. The only thing I could recommend for this piece is including the loss of a child in your closing remarks when you mention losing a spouse or parent. I know you are speaking from your own losses…but the loss of a child from what I hear is more devastating for some. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Indeed, I find purpose in my own suffering by helping others through their own dark days. Blessings! Karen
Karen, thank you for reading, commenting and for that suggestion. Good to hear from a widow further down the road in this journey.
Candy, I absolutely love this posting! Thank you for sharing. I agree that we must not waste our pain, but reach out to others. One other thing that I have done is I started a widow’s group. So many widows are lonely and enjoy just getting together with other widows. God bless you, Kathy