Dangerous Waters for a Widow

ss-imageNot all widows experience online dating scams. Some are successful in finding a good husband. But, what about those widows who are introduced to someone through a mutual friend? Some matches will work. Others will not. Such is the story of a widow who wishes to remain anonymous and tells her story in her own words.

Candy has been encouraging me for some time to share my story. I have started to do that several times, but the timing just wasn’t right. I’d like to share this now.

About 18 months ago, I was introduced to someone through a mutual friend. We immediately hit it off. It wasn’t long until we were seeing each other all of the time. We seemed to have so much in common and we rarely ever had differences or cross words. I was showered with compliments continually and was really just swept off my feet. It had been about 2 years since my husband of almost 30 years had died. I missed him terribly and did not realize just how lonely I was feeling.

I have lived in my present town a little over 20 years and have really settled in quite well. My son and his family live about an hour east of me and the rest of my family (sisters, mothers, cousins) live about two hours south of me. I have great support at my church and was very involved there even before my husband died. I have numerous close friends who really care about me.

Back to my story…..about 4 months after I started dating, my new man friend was talking marriage. Every warning sign under the sun was right there, but i just didn’t want to see it. Note to self: IF your family all thinks someone you are dating is “not good for you”, if your friends express concern that you are “acting differently”, well, as Jeff Foxworthy says, “Here’s your sign!” The warning signs for me were: he had been married multiple times (not judging; just stating the facts), he was not responsible with his money, and he was a little too needy with attention from me.

Looking back now, it seems like someone else was living in my brain. I have always been the responsible one! I was looking for happiness in a person and all along I knew God loved me and had better plans for me. Honestly, I was just plain rebellious.

I had worked all of my adult life. I have been mostly frugal and conscientious with the money I have earned. God has blessed me with a tremendous gift of organization and administration. I had enough sense about me to not tie the knot. I actually even talked to an attorney about a prenup. But, I knew in my heart that he wasn’t the one.

In my case he wasn’t a scam artist or anything like that, but he was, in my opinion, probably an opportunist and very lonely himself. Yep. Lonely people don’t make a good spouse. I still think he has feelings for me. I really do, but we are strictly friends. By friends, I mean that our dating relationship ended peacefully. We don’t date or share innocuous intimacies.

If I had just gone with my emotions, I would have ended up in a terrible mess. We do have a lot in common, but we have way too many differences to ever get married. We are most definitely “unequally yoked” in every sense of the word.

My caution to other widows is to not EVER act on your emotions. If something doesn’t seem right, listen to the Holy Spirit speaking to you. Do not ignore Him. God knows the plans He has for us (Jeremiah 29:11) and He truly wants the best for us. We just need to let Him be our all. In His good time (and He’s always right on time), He will give us who/what we need and not who/what we THINK we need.

The photo of the sign pictured above was taken by me. When I saw it, God was dealing with the rebellion in me. How’s that for the “sign”?

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2 responses

  1. Well, as I read this this morning Candy, it was like explosions going off. I can so relate to her story. Everything she said, be rebellious, not listening to the Holy Spirit, letting the loneliness talk and emotions taking over has put me in a predicament, unfortunately I didn’t listen to others and followed my emotions 100%. Now almost 6 months into this marriage I realize I have made a terrible mistake. We are not equally yoked, come to find out he doesn’t feel he needs God and can get to heaven by his good works and when I showed in the bible where it states you can’t he got upset with me. I realize now I did it for stability and comfort. I thought I loved him, but no and am surely not in love with him. :/ He is a nice man as long as he’s center of attention, but there are traits that never were revealed until 2 months ago. If only I had known about his temper, his unkempt promises, his insistence of being right, always having to hold my hand or his arm on my should or when we’re at home on the couch and not allowing me to make changes to his home to make it ours instead of theirs (his was a widower) should of been a red flag waving in boldly in my face. They always say go with your gut (Holy Spirit) and I had that feeling when I was moving thinking I should have put all of my furniture into storage instead of selling it off as he stated we would by new items to make it “our” home (NOT!) So now I have rented a storage place and little by little sneaking things out when I head off to work so he has clue. The only thing I Have in that house is my clothes and my craft room which will take boxes to pack…but in the meantime I am saving my salary as much as I can and asking God to give me discernment, wisdom and knowledge to help me bite my tongue and not feed into his anger when he gets upset. He would never strike me, but still fearful at times. Asking for heavy prayers as I try to stick it out until I gather enough $$$$ to move out and get a place of my own. Again thank you for sharing her story. Definitely a message of “Warning Dangerous Waters”.

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