My name is Candy Feathers and on the morning of November 10, 2009, I became a widow at the age of 57. Bob was the only man I ever dated and my “first” in everything. We had 36 years, 4 months, and 10 days together and I will be forever grateful for that gift.
Two months later on Jan. 2, 2010, my mom joined my husband Bob in heaven and 2 months after that my dad followed. I am the mother of 4 grown daughters and have 4 sons-in-law, 9 grandchildren here on earth and 1 in heaven.
Things I like to do are reading, taking long drives, wearing flip flops as many months of the year as I can, spending time on the beach, watching birds eating from my bird feeder, the colors of a peacock as well as the colors purple and yellow, lots and lots of natural light, and writing. I am a romantic person at heart. I am also an introvert who is most comfortable sitting on the sidelines watching and listening to people. I would rather be outdoors on a riding mower than inside cooking. I love the smell of watermelon, fresh cut grass, and “Beautiful” perfume in essential oil form. I enjoy texting although it’s nice to get a phone call at least once a day.
I am very passionate about helping widows and am moving towards finding God’s purpose for my life.
My hope is that there will be something shared or written here that will touch the heart of a widow or even the heart of a widow’s family member or friend so that all can be comforted or be enabled to comfort. I will welcome any comments from the readers for that will be my comfort.
Reflections From My Porch Swing 
Thank you for writing this blog, Candy, and for sharing with us your knowledge and the insights you have gained. I’m sure you will help many of us as we walk this road called widowhood that none of us wanted to be on. Blessings, dear one.
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I’m glad you started this blog, Candy. You do have great insights and you write so well. I look forward to reading what you write here. Thanks for all you have done and all you will do as we walk this journey together. You are precious.
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Candy, bless you for sharing your thoughts and the thoughts of those who have been your companions on your journey. I know God will use this site to bless so many people.
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Very interested in what you have developed here. You now have a unique new position in Christ to walk as an example to those of us who may someday walk the same road.
I am told the best way we can all help is to allow the grieving person to talk about the details of their deceased loved one as things come to mind in conversation.
We could all learn to listen more to people around us who are experiencing pain.
http://www.lifeseriescoach.com
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Candy…I am so glad you have started this…you are a beautiful writer and person. My heart still breaks alongside yours every day:( Thank you for sharing and for including me too. Love you girl!
Liz
Liztuftewordpress.com
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Candy, I don’t often post a response, but I always read and appreciate your daily blog posts. They are insightful and honest. I love that about you.
Joy
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A friend sent me your blog link. I just created a blog too : ) I too have recently been widowed at 57. My husband of 26 years died on March 15 this year. I love to read and write, I love flowers and their scents and colors. I am trying to figure out the whole housing thing, But I have a married son and his wife, and my youngest son in his twenties living with me. Trying to deal with all of their complex issues while grieving and reorganizing my life to beginning teaching next week, all feels so overwhelming. My kids and sister have no idea what I am going through. I am glad i found you!
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You are so early on in your grief and I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your husband. You love all the same things that I love. Just take what time that you need deciding what to do about your housing. It may be that at some point everyone in your household needs to get their own place. I lived with my oldest daughter and her family for the first 4 months after Bob died. I didn’t really begin to grieve until I moved into this house alone for the first time in my life. I lived with my parents before I got married and then was with Bob afterwards. I’d never lived alone or taken care of everything alone ever. It has been quite a change, but I have been surprised that with God’s help I am doing it.
No, no one but another widow really KNOWS what you are going through. If you would like to talk further with me, email me at candyfeathers@gmail.com I am a little further “down the road” than you are. I don’t have all the answers, of course, but I can share with you what I have learned along the way. Thank you so much for reading and for commenting.
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Thanks Candy…i know i will write you…
Right now it’s like my kids and i need each other but we’re also driving each other nuts. lol. it’s complicated…and i am having a hard time sorting it out…
You are so kind. Thanks for being there. Talk soon!
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Dear Candy ~ I receive your posts via email and have responded to some of them. I originally came to your blog because of the grief our dear aunt was suffering after losing our uncle after 60 years of marriage. I’ve sent her some of your posts.
As of yesterday morning at 10:12, I am now a widow at 63, after 43 years of marriage.. I am still in shock. You can read about it in my blog in these two posts below:
http://www.flowerladysmusings.blogspot.com/2012/12/we-would-appreciate-prayers-please.html
http://www.flowerladysmusings.blogspot.com/2012/12/hell-be-waiting-for-me-on-rainbow-bridge.html
I also started another blog to chronicle this next phase of my journey,
http://thecontinuingjourney.blogspot.com/
This isn’t easy but Jesus is right beside me, he is my rock, my shield. He will sustain me.
Thank you for your blog.
FlowerLady Lorraine
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Oh my dear friend! I burst into tears as I just read about the loss of your sweet husband. I am so tremendously sorry and weep with you. I would like to send you some things to help you when you are ready. Please email me your full name and mailing address. Meanwhile, I am here as someone who is willing to listen and “gets it”. Please feel free to email me at anytime at my personal email address: candyfeathers@gmail.com Again, I am just so deeply sorry for your loss.
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Thank you Candy. I will be emailing you shortly. Today was a bit rough as I went to the crematorium by myself this time to sign papers, order death certificates, pay the bill, etc.
I am feeling tired, may take a nap, or I might just do something to keep me occupied so that I can just go to bed tonight and sleep.
Thank you for your thoughts and concern.
FlowerLady Lorraine
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Lorraine,
I just received your email and will get some things out to you shortly. Rest as you can.
Candy
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Hi Candy,
I became a member of widowhood 34 years ago at the age of 30. I had two small children who witnessed the car accident that killed my husband and injured all the rest of us in varying degrees.
Today I just learned from my 42 yr. old child that the “accident” was what caused post traumatic stress for him and he is still dealing with it. A few years ago my other child told me that her years of depression started at age 3, the age she was in the “accident”.
I also spent years depressed and only through divine healing am I free today.
I remarried 4 years after the accident and am forever grateful to The Lord for bringing this man into our lives. I didn’t choose him alone, we prayed for a daddy and he was given to us.
In spite of the fore mentioned pain we have had a good life.
Susan
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Wow, Susan! You became a widow at such a young age and with children! I see how widows with children struggle so much and how very difficult it all is for them. I am glad that God brought you another husband and father for them.
I understand PTSD for I have suffered from it since a 7 year old child, but was never diagnosed with it until after my husband and both parents died. I am at the point now where I am ready to get some help in dealing with it. I hope that your 42 year old child finds the help needed as well. Depression is a very hard thing as you well know. I am glad to hear that you are free of that today and hope that your other child will get help if needed.
Thank you for sharing your story and for giving hope.
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Candy, I discovered we share favorite colors, “Beautiful” perfume, solitude, but most of all, we shared the pain of widowhood. That alone makes us sister. My blog RebaWritesforWidows.wordpress.com was started to help other women walk that difficult journey also.
Please visit my blog and comment if you would like to. It takes a community of women to help others along that difficult journey.
Reba
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Reba, thank you for your invitation to visit your blog and comment. I have done that and enjoyed your blog posts. Thank you for visiting mine and taking the time to read and comment. We widows all need affirmation and encouragement.
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Hello Candy. I found your blog today. I became a widow two months ago when my husband died suddenly from an aneurysm. I am almost 39. We were together for almost 21 years. We have four children under age 7, one a nursing infant. I am trying to reach out in a healthy way to people who understand, but am not sure how to do so. I have stumbled across a few blogs, but I am not sure spending much time reading other’s stories will be helpful for me. I read one of your articles on preparing for the upcoming holidays. That was helpful. I need to start thinking about holidays and how I will lead the children through it. I guess part of me really prefers face to face support, but sometimes it is hard to talk with the people right in front of me. So when everyone goes to bed I’ve been doing a little bit of on-line reading of blogs and encouraging articles aimed at widows. The other day a widow wanted to encourage me by sharing some of her experiences from 20 or more years ago, but then she told me her adult son is a drug addict and she may have to parent her grandchildren. I don’t feel very encouraged when I have conversations like that. It makes me withdraw further. I want to hear women’s stories of how God was faithful and brought them and their children through the tragedy safely and with blessing, not that more ugliness awaits. Does that make sense? Anyway, I appreciate your blog. I may be back to read more from time to time.
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I am almost 20 months into widowhood and still have things changing in my life every 6 months! My dear sweet husband died suddenly on our on our porch 3 minutes after waking me. I went from a family of 4 on May 26th to a totally empty house 5 months later. I had to move from our home of 18 years into a trailer, 6 months later my sister moved in (we are total opposites) and discovered she has a drinking problem and verbally attacks me. During this time my 22 year old son was dealing with drinking, my best friend turned on our family, my son was mugged numerous times in a big city he moved to plus shot at.
I love the Lord Jesus with all my heart! He has kept me sane! Other than sleeping a lot I haven’t had a lot of time to grieve — I’ve had people tell me to “keep busy”, “how good I am doing”—but am I? Not really. Deep down I am sensing confusion, things that I sense the Lord wants me to deal with–but I never seem to be alone or able. Any thoughts or suggestions?
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Jean,
First let me say how truly sorry I am for your devastating losses. From what you wrote, I am assuming that you are not living alone and that is why you have no alone time. Could you get in your car and drive some place safe where you could just sit and have the alone time that you need? I did that many times the first 4 months after my husband died and I was living with one of my daughters. Could you get away for a weekend and go to a motel/hotel/vacation rental to spend time alone with God and deal with whatever He brings to mind?
It sounds like you are willing to face your grief and lean into it for that truly is the only way to go through it. Sometimes widows try to keep busy just to run from grief and that is not good at all.
Grief is exhausting and depression is a part of grief. So, it’s no wonder you are sleeping a lot.
If you will email me at candyfeathers@gmail.com, I would like to send you some widow resources to help you. Thank you sincerely for sharing your story. If you are on Facebook, there is a private group for Christian widows called Lifeboat. It is a place where widows can share their heart anytime and receive affirmation and encouragement. If you are interested, let me know.
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I’m just wondering if u r the same person I knew in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. I grew up in Franklin Road Baptist Church. There was a Candy Feathers who worked in the Good Shepherds Children’s Home.
I recently lost my husband and then a month later my dad.
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Hi Rita. Yes, I am that person. I am so very deeply sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and your dad. Losing both of them in such a short time is devastating. As you may have read, I lost my husband Bob and both of my parents all with 4 months. It crushed my heart. My relationship with the Lord and faith is all that has gotten me through these last almost 11 years. I can tell you that in whatever time is right for you, your heart will not hurt like it is now 24/7 and that grief fog that you are in will lift.
When and if you feel the time for you is right, it would help you to consider finding a licensed Christian grief counselor who has worked with widows and understands them. Be a consistent widow who is not afraid to face all your pain and process through it.
I would love to send you a couple of books for new widows written by Christian widows who “get” it. If you will email me at candyfeathers@gmail.com or you can text me at 615-663-4457 and I will get those resources to you. Any questions or concerns that you want to ask or talk to me about, I am available.
Candy
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