Acceptance…..a Process

Teach me to do (Translation: “to deal with”) Your will, for You are my God; let Your good Spirit lead me into a level country and into the land of uprightness.” Psalm 143:10

After a coaching session with my Christian psychologist, the light came on in my head and it became very clear to me that I am having a very hard time accepting a lot of things in my life and especially the death of my husband and both my parents as well as God’s will for my life.

So I decided to write a letter to ACCEPTANCE and say all the things that I needed to say about that.  At the end of my letter I added a prayer to God and said:

God, I don’t know how to accept that Your way is the best way.  I just can’t see it, Lord.  You made me to be a very sensitive person and to have taken my husband, my mom, and my dad one after another in such a short time—–to have taken my complete support system here on earth—it just seems like the worst thing that You could have done to me.  It doesn’t say love, God.  It doesn’t feel like love.

I can’t figure it out.  I accept that You love me because You sent Your precious only Son to die on the cross for my sins so that I could have the gift of salvation.  I accepted that gift when I was 9 years old.  But, how are the deaths of the three people who loved me the most the best for me?

You are going to somehow have to help me accept this, Lord, because I just don’t know how to do it and I’m too tired and confused to figure it out.  I know that I’m just hitting at air and I’m using up so much energy doing that.  Help me to take off my boxing gloves and lay them at Your feet in acceptance of it all.

An hour after I wrote that letter, I met a lady who was a complete stranger to me.  She shared something with me that I know was straight from God.  She compared my life and Bob’s life to books.   Bob finished the last chapter in his book, but my book is not complete.  Until I accept that his book was completed, I can’t end that chapter of my book and begin writing a new chapter.  And if I don’t start writing that new chapter, I will never know all the good things that God has planned for me.

That analogy could not have been more perfect for me because I am an avid reader and love books.  That lady looked at me with tears welling up in her kind brown eyes as she shared this with me and I thought, “God,  I know this is You speaking to me through a complete stranger.  THIS is love.  Thank You for showing me again how much You love me and that You do care about what I am going through in this grief journey.”

So, my process of acceptance has begun.  This lady asked me why I was in a hurry to get through that acceptance process and reminded me that it took 36 years, 4 months, and 10 days to develop that great love that I had with my husband.  Why do I think that it would take me a short time to accept that he is gone?

ACCEPTANCE ……….a process.